Eggs

Okay, guys. Before we go into the nasty-ass disaster that is dairy and the dairy industry, I thought now would be a good time to visit the egg world. First of all, I'd like to get this out of the way: When you think about what an egg truly is, it can become pretty difficult not to vomit your lunch all over the livingroom. An egg is the reproductive cell of a hen...what it ovulates. It's actually part of the menstrual cycle of that chicken. G-R-O-S-S.

But despite it's obvious nastiness (which becomes even more obvious when you separate the yolk away from the white and that stringy, gluey albumen is hangin' on for dear life with the little hard blob pulling apart) the egg is really freakin' useful, especially in baking. Eggs make your goodies stick together, thanks to the binding power of that yolk, and also assist in leavening. Getting around eggs is probably the most difficult task a vegan baker has in inventing recipes, but fear not...there are ways. That's for another post, though.

Yeah, yeah. I know they're awesome for breakfast, too. And with the combined power of all our brains and experience we could probably come up with 100 ways to cook them, some of which are grosser than others (I saw Ina Garten, who I usually can look to for inspiration, add heavy cream to 4 raw eggs and cook them for less than 3 minutes...she literally poured them onto a plate). But the thing is, eggs are just as chock full of antibiotics and freaky growth hormones as the flesh of the poor animal. Pregnant women avoid alcohol because it affects the fetus, right? The same concept applies here. All that disgusting shit the chickens are forced to imbibe goes straight into the eggs and straight into your temple.

Look, I'll be honest with you. If I'm going to fall off the vegan wagon once in a while, it's never going to be for meat or ice cream, milk or butter, not even cheese...but eggs. Because sometimes (especially after a long long run), a poached egg with dill over toast is the most amazing thing ever. However, my tummy is not a fan and will repay my indulgence with cramping and stinkiness. These are realities I'm willing to accept if I choose to eat an egg, and 99% of the time will quickly push the thought of eggs away from the "Oh my god...this tastes so good" side of my brain, to the "Oh my god...don't you see how revolting this is?" side.

If you do decide to keep eating eggs, be sure that it's only once in a great while. Eggs are crazy high in cholesterol (as high as 200mg per egg!) and have absolutely no fiber for your belly to munch on (hence the inevitable stinkiness), so they're definitely not for daily consumption. Also, be absolutely certain that your eggs come from an antibiotic-free farm with cage-free, vegetarian-fed hens (you do NOT want to see what they feed to the poor non-vegetarian chickens...it's enough to make you want to die). Cook them up nicely, add some extra touches, sit down, and enjoy your indulgence. Be prepared to pay attention to how your body responds.