Caesar Salad with Lemon Croutons

My cats yell at me when I'm up too late. They think I'm totally intruding on their space, standing in the kitchen under one teeny light. But, I tell the cats to get a life and go away. Get a job, will ya? I'm busy making lunch for tomorrow, since the morning rush out the door is no time to be making important decisions about food, and especially since I know someone will be at lunch who, ahem, I want to think I'm cool. Not like I'm trying to be cool, just effortlessly striking.

Move over, kitties. Let's make caesar salad.

In your trusty blender, combine:
1 box silken tofu (12 oz)
3-10 cloves garlic (do it...go crazy)
1/4 cup olive oil
3 tbs lemon juice
1 big 'ol heaping tbs capers
4 tsp caper berry brine
dash o' sugar
dash o' salt
one squirt yellow mustard

Whirl it up till it's smooth. You may need to add an extra dash of oil (or soy milk) to loosen it up a bit. No one wants globby gooey salad dressing. Smoooooth, baby. Smooth. When it's ready, pour the dressing into a covered container and toss it in the fridge for lunch tomorrow. Just like marinatin' tofu, the longer it sits the better the spices will meld and the more likely you'll slap your hand to your forehead with this-tastes-amazing surprise when you go to eat your salad. Your coworkers will wonder what the hell just happened, and you may feel free to enlighten them.

BUT. Before we get ahead of ourselves, I s'pose we best be makin' the croutons first. Yeehaw! You can also make these the day/night before if you're feeling so inclined. Either way is fine, since the croutons that come out of your oven will be infinitely more tasty than the crap you can buy at the store. And really, who buys croutons anyway? Look. They're so easy. You can make a ton and they'll last forevah.

Turn the oven on to 350. In a large bowl, whisk together the following with a fork:
1/4 cup olive oil
1 tbs lemon juice
1 tsp thyme
dash o' salt

Whisk it until the oil emulsifies. Nice and smooth. If you want to add more herbs or more garlic, you just go right ahead there. I like simple croutons. Add:
4 or 5 slices white bread, cut into cubes (or squares, or triangles, or stars)

Use whatever bread you have on hand, since it makes no sense to run out and get a schmancy loaf for silly croutons unless you're hosting a party or trying to impress that guy/girl or their parents. I used nutritionally useless white sandwich bread, AJ's fave, for some unknown reason. Toss the cubes in the lemon and oil mixture with a fork until they're lightly coated (if they seem too soggy to you, add a few more slices of bread). Dump them on a sheet tray and bake for 10-12 minutes or until they're golden and crispy. They smell soooo good, right?

Now to assemble your salad, your fantastic coworker-jealousy-inducing lunch, toss a few tablespoons of dressing with a giant pile of crunchy fresh romaine. Add the croutons. Add some kalamata olives. Add some raisins. Whatevs. Season with salt and pepper and enjoy.

Do you think I'm cool, girl over there? Can we be friends? Want to try my salad?

(Recipe inspired by the bitches at Skinny Bitch. Thanks, bitches.)
(Oh, and a bit from Isa Chandra Moskowitz and her ever-flowering genius)