Scott Pilgrim vs. Todd the Vegan

You told me to watch it. And now, I finally did.

"VEGAN POLICE! STOP!"

Milk and eggs, bitch. Milk. And eggs.

Oh. And for the record, I pretty much worship Envy. Just like that guy there, in the front row.

I'm sure there's someone sexier out there in the big, blue world...but I can't possibly think who it would be. And she's probably an ipso facto vegan, being Todd's girlfriend and all.

THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO TOLD ME I HAD TO SEE SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD. YOU WERE TOTALLY RIGHT. Naturally.

HIATUSMUSTHAPPEN

Or I will keel over. There's too much going on, too much cookin' in the pot, too much rollin' around in my head.

I'll be back in a few days! AND YOU'RE SO AWESOME. Yes, you. You, man. You're fab.

The CSA Strikes Again...

...yet, I have no evidence to prove it!

My camera has had a complete nervous collapse. And just when I got another huge box of heavenly bounty! What's a girl to do?

Tomorrow. Tomorrow I shall have a solution, because I seriously MUST tell you about the veggies that have completely taken over my kitchen.

Until then.

(comic from here)

Lentil Loaf with Mushroom Gravy

The word "loaf" is never appetizing to me. It lives firmly on the list of words I think should never be uttered in reference to food...things like squat thrust and custard and veiny and mulch. Seepage and slop sink and barf bag and turgid and curdle and crotch.

I drove by a convenience store once called the Loaf n' Jug. I almost vomited all over my sister.

But seriously! This stuff is delicious! What does it have to be called a "loaf"? Blech. I shudder just saying it but struggle to find another descriptor. Lentil Blob? Lentil Mass? Lentils-Shaped-Like-the-Pan? Bread of Lentils? Oi vey. I guess I'll have to settle with Lentil Loaf and try not to gag when I say it.
Gagging is SO not what happens when you drop a slice of this bad boy on your plate though, especially with roasted parsnips or mashed potatoes. And then covering it with gravy? Oh man, I'm bad. Fo sho. This meal makes me want to sit on my couch with my feet hanging over the back (something I've adopted as I've aged) while drinking PBR and playing Trivial Pursuit, even while under the distinct impression that sitting quietly and contemplating my strange future might actually be more beneficial. But I live on the edge. I'm a woman of modern times.

This recipe is a teeny bit long-winded in the way of prep time, but most of it can be spent away from the kitchen, on the floor, reading trashy science fiction and eating graham crackers. Wait! How would I know that?!?! I never do that. Ever. Never ever.
Place the following in a big stockpot or saucepan:
2 cups lentils (brown ones work best)
4 cups water

Bring it to a boil, covered, then turn it down to a simmer a let it rock until the water is absorbed, about 50 or 60 minutes. See? You could totally whiz through a few chapters while this is going. Check the pot after 30 minutes to see if you need to add any more water, but do so sparingly. The lentils need to be cooked down but still very thick when all is said and done. When they're soft and stewy, take the pot off the heat and let it sit, covered, for another 30 minutes. They'll thicken up even more. Huzzah.

While the lentils are cooling, preheat your oven to 350 degrees and whip up a quick veggie medley to add to the pot. Warm a scant dash of olive oil over medium heat (not too much...no one wants an oily loaf...) and add:
2 small onions, diced
2 or 3 carrots, sliced and diced, baby
2-10 cloves garlic, minced

Cook just until everything is softened, about 5 or 6 minutes, then dump the veggies into the pot of cooled lentils along with:
1/4 cup ketchup, tomato paste, or tomato sauce (whatever you have on hand)
1/2 cup bread crumbs
2 tbs parsley
1 tbs thyme
1-2 tbs soy sauce, or to taste
1-2 tbs Worcestershire sauce (the non-anchovy one)
dash o' pepper

Stir up the whole thang really thoroughly, taste for salt, and smash everything into a greased loaf pan. You can schmear some extra ketchup/paste/sauce/tomatostuff over the top at this point, if you feel so inclined...that tastes real nice. Finally, toss it into the oven and bake for about 45 minutes.

Go read some more. You won't have to start the gravy for a while.

When the lentil loaf is baked and ready (oh MAN does it smell good), take it out of the oven and let it cool significantly, otherwise it will smoosh all over you when you attempt to slice it. Since this'll take about 20 minutes, you've got plenty of time to whip up an amazing mushroom gravy. Do it. It'll taste so good.

Mushrooms cooked in olive oil taste pretty good. Mushrooms cooked in Earth Balance taste better. But mushrooms cooked in both olive oil and Earth Balance? You'll be over the moon with tasty delight! So, warm a solid dash of olive oil and a tablespoon or two of Earth Balance over medium heat. You'll need plenty of moisture in the pan (since those mushrooms are always so thirsty), so don't skimp. When it's good and hot, add:
1 pound mushrooms, sliced (use whatever kind you like)
1 onion, diced

Saute for about 15 minutes or until the mushrooms turn golden brown. Then, in a little bowl, whisk together the following until smooth:
3 tbs flour
2 cups white wine or veggie stock (you can also use water in a pinch, but wine is the BEST)
2-3 tbs soy sauce, to taste

Dump the liquid over the mushrooms and cook over medium heat, stirring constantly until the gravy thickens. Taste for salt.

And NOW! Now, to eat! Since you've been smelling all this good stuff for more than an hour you're probably totally ready. Like, totally. Slice off a nice slab of lentil ____ for your plate, then smother it and anything else you decided to make as a side dish (parsnips, potatoes, sweet potatoes, squash, biscuits, green beans), with your heavenly mushroom gravy.

So delish.

This stuff is even better the next day, especially between two slices of wheaty bread, slathered in mustard. Double delish.

(Recipe inspired by and adapted from The Vegan Table)

My First CSA

I told you I was gonna do it! I decided way back in January that a CSA box (that's "community supported agriculture") simply had to grace my kitchen this summer, if only to find out what kohlrabi is and how to cook daikon and which part of a muskmelon is edible. After much deliberation and many passes through the GIGANTIC list of CSA farms in the Twin Cities, I finally decided to buy a share with Blackberry Community Farm in Wheeler, Wisconsin. I really couldn't tell you what the major deciding factor was in picking them above all the others, but I do really dig their family operation and admit to being overtly attracted to the softball-sized heads of German red garlic on their homepage. A girl's gotta have priorities.

Anyway.

This week marked the first delivery! And boy oh boy am I excited. The picture above represents half the booty (the other half is for Alli) and doesn't even show the cute little bin of strawberries and the big leafy green called sorrel.

Sorrel. Yup, I've already been to Wikipedia. Twice.

Isn't that great? I've got a rhubarb crumble in the oven and a big 'ol bag of strange-tasting salad greens washed and ready for tomorrow, not to mention a jar full of the most pungent chives I've ever smelled. Kinda makes me feel like river dancin'.

I Can't Help It....Sorry.....

I'm so freakin' proud of this, I just can't resist a little shameless tribute to...well, me. Me and Athena Lonsdale of Athena Photography, one of the coolest chicks on planet Earth. We had a good time together, her and I, out in the boonies on an extraordinarily hot afternoon. I ran. She took pictures.

You've seen one of the before, but ya haven't seen THIS ONE:
Page 85 of this month's Runner's World magazine shows one of Athena's photos. Of me! Weird!

And super cool. I simply HAD to share. You understand. Right?

Say yes. Prease.

Cold Soba Noodle Salad

I never thought I'd profess my love of a machine like I do with my air conditioner.

This is, truly, the very first time I've ever had air conditioning, but not because of any environmental concerns or any other reason I could be super proud of. I never said, "I'd have an air conditioner if I knew it was energy efficient." Nor did I think much of Queen Elizabeth's geothermal cooling system for Buckingham Palace or Elton John's carbon neutral chalk aquifer. I did none of those things most because, and this is pure conjecture, I don't think I ever really needed air conditioning. In Montana, the temperature drops so far down at night that you can throw open your windows and let the breeze chill you to the bone...you may even have to grab for an actual blanket which, in the daytime, makes you nauseous just to think about.

Alas, Minnesota is different. It was 90 degrees yesterday! It's supposed to be 95 on Wednesday! And now, I know why people worship their air conditioners and why mine is whirring away on high, right now, at six in the morning. It's an energy efficient model, yes, but I'm not entirely sure any lack of efficiency would stop me from using it...because being without it would be torture. TORTURE, I say.

The kitchen in our apartment is freakishly warmer than every other room. I suppose its natural, gas oven and all, but still makes cooking an absolutely devilish undertaking. And then eating HOT FOOD? You're outta your freakin' mind. I don't think you want it either. You want cold food like you want to run through sprinklers and peel frozen kiwis and drink vodka and lemonade over big, fat ice cubes while wearing sandals and reading junky novels.

Look. I made you some cold food. Feel free to eat it in front of the air conditioner.

Get a big 'ol pot or saucepan of water to boil. Add a dash of salt and:
1 package soba noodles*

Cook until they're just done. Totally al dente and stuff. Drain them into a colander, then rinse with cool water...and don't even think about skipping that step! Rinsing means lowering the temperature which means stopping the cooking process and giving you delicious, non-gummy noodles when all is said and done. Rinse the noodles, dump them in a big bowl, and let them hang out while you throw together your quicky marinade. In a small bowl or cup, whisk together:
1/3 cup soy sauce (tamari tastes best)
3 tbs sesame or canola oil
2 tbs clear vinegar
1-3 tsp red pepper flakes, to taste

Stir the mixture together. Simple. Then pour it over the soba noodles and toss. Cover the bowl and put it in the fridge for at least an hour or overnight (the longer you let it sit, the better the noddles will taste....yumm), tossing it occasionally. Add a few extra dashes of soy sauce if they get too dry.

Right before you serve this fab cold salad-thing, add some mix-in's. Whatever you find inspirational is always acceptable, but here are some ideas:
scallions
carrots
red peppers
artichoke hearts
sesame seeds
more soy sauce
more vinegar
more vodka lemonades on the rocks

*Asterisk time! I assume you've come all the way down here to find out what the hell soba noodles are. Eh? They're thin Japanese noodles made from buckwheat flour. You can get them in most grocery stores, often times in the hilariously over-generalized "ethnic" isle. Get lots cause you'll want to use them again and again, especially for Soba Noodles with Peanut Sauce and Coconut Curry Noodles, which can both be served cold.

(recipe inspired by and adapted from The Vegan Table)

Race Prep 'n Step

I'm never more happy to be alive than when I'm running. Looking down at my feet pounding the pavement as it whizzes by, looking at my muscles as they flex to move my body forward, getting a sudden surge of energy with Rage Against the Machine pounding in my ears, or not. Sometimes the sound of the whole world around me is more fuel-licious than any music, and my brain begins to hum along oh so efficiently as I get high on my own chemicals. Never, ever, even when I'm eating lemon bars, do I feel so thankful to have my own two feet, attached to my own two legs, attached to my precious, adored body. Holy shit, it's heaven on Earth.

Normally this is a very individual experience, rarely shared unless you're one of the lucky few with a permanent running partner you can call to run with you in an ice storm or run with you in the burnin' heat or run with you straight into the sunset, high on life. If you have one of these people in your life, count yourself among the fortunate...for realsies. However, for the rest of us, these feelings bubble up inside when you're out there alone, gradually building until you've got nowhere else to turn except your mate/love/spouse/partner/dude-across-the-alley. They stay inside in kind of a good way, protected. That is, until the day before the race.

The day before is like a party. A party with runners. Lots of them.

Today was that day for me, standing amongst all these trim, fit, happy people holding my iced coffee and race packet. Lady Gaga jams over the PA system while I try on my race shirt (to make sure it fits, yes, but also to note how good it feels on and then to realize I'd better wear it all day, just to be sure), and there are smiling people with smiling children and smiling spouses and all their beat up running shoes. We gawk at each other like idiots because, aside from race day, this is one of the only times where you round up so many of these people at once. And even better, this is before we're all sweating and drooling and thundering toward the finish line with no care in the world and literally NO WAY to carry on a conversation.

And so, we blab. I yammered on to a perfect stranger today about socks. Socks and athletic tape and braided hair. And then she said something I'll never forget. "This is like an alcoholics anonymous meeting," she said. "We're all acknowledging our addictions. Hi, I'm Nancy. And I'm addicted to running."

"Hi. I'm Shelley," I responded. "I am also a junkie. I could never stop. Where'd you get that visor?!??!"

The Minneapolis Marathon is tomorrow. I am pumped. Pumped, I say. Running is the best thing ever.

Izzy disagrees.
Luna doesn't care.
ANYONE CAN BE A RUNNER and you should click here to learn how to do it! There's lots of info to be had.

Need some inspiration? Watch this. You'll feel the urge to lace up and get out there, fo shizzle.


(top photo from here)

You-So-Cool Granola

A couple of nights ago, slightly too full from the ample leftovers of Alli's Fantastic Wizzbang Indian Bridal Shower, and reeling just a wee bit from having been out of town and the gotta-catch-up's that tend to plague the recently vacationed human, I found myself sitting on the sofa watching a docu-drama about mountain climbing on Netflix. Boy oh boy. It was thrilling.

But then, at that moment, when these dudes were trying some death defying stunt on the ridge of some huge mountain in Peru, I got off the couch and stormed out the door into the balmy summer evening with cabin fever heaving in my chest. I had to get out, right then and there, like...NOW. Because I am an adventurer, dammit, an important administrator of all things hard-core, and no WAY was I going to sit there while these two seemingly normal dudes scaled a mountain.
And so, I invented this while I was traipsing around the neighborhood like a lost puppy, gazing at this one particular house that I always "accidentally" find myself in front of, doing my best to swallow the bitter taste of jealously when I see how cute and small it is, how loved and slightly ramshackled, overflowing with flowers in the windows and the rarely seen "this lawn is chemical free" sign that I so adore.
I decided that in order to live so cooly, so unabashedly hippy as these people do in this little green house, I should make my own granola. Yeah. That'll be one step toward becoming more like them, with their compost bins and their dumpy yellow Volkswagen Beetle and their subscription to Outside Magazine and their lawn chairs and yoga mats. Homemade granola makes me cooler. More apt to becoming like them. You hear that, future self? Or are you still eating stuffed peppers and paying your student loans and reading Proust and planning trips to Belize?

Yes, you are. And you also apparently have a stock of homemade granola eternally at the ready. You definitely know that buying it is stupid, considering how expensive it is and how good yours tastes. And how you can control exactly what goes into it. Since you're like that.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees and grab a big bowl. Toss in:
2 cups oats
1/2 cup almonds
1/2 cup coconut
1/4 cup millet
1/4 cup sunflower seeds
1/2 cup raisins
2 tbs flax seeds
whatever else looks tasty

Stir it up with a big spoon. Then, in a small bowl or cup, whisk together:
1/4 cup oil (olive oil tastes nice, but you can use canola oil too)
1/4 cup maple syrup

Pour the liquid mixture over the top of the dry stuff and mix, with your spoon, until everything is evenly coated. Add a dash more oil if it seems to dry, or if you went crazy with mix-in's. Then dump the whole thing, every last bit, onto a dry ungreased cookie sheet (with edges) and bake. After 15 minutes, or when the top looks slightly browned and toasty, stir the granola around on the pan and bake again for another 5 minutes. Toss and bake in 5-minute increments until you see your desired level of done-ness (since some folks like super crunchy granola and others prefer a bit of softness), but do your best not to burn it.

When it's done, let it cool completely on the sheet tray before you bag it up for breakfast tomorrow. You're cooler already.